February 2010
89 posts
too much
I’ve too much skepticism boiling inside of me. It’s really disgusting. It’s seriously a monster. It makes decisions for me, such as whether I’m a bitch or the nicest person you’ll ever meet. I need to get rid of it. Now.
When I do, I’ll be happier, I promise.
January 2010
53 posts
Zero 7 - Destiny
This is my driving in the summer...
“I wanted to hold you. I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you. I...”
Today...
consisted of: waking up at 12:30. showering. getting lunch. read Sula. watch Bourne Ultimatum. went back upstairs to read Sula. got bored. checked phone. saw missed call from boyfriend. called boyfriend. talked for exactly 37 seconds. signed online to talk to boyfriend. talked for approximately 5 minutes. signed off. read Sula. thought it was ironic that Playboy wrote an acclaim for Sula. fell...
It's not you, it's me
No longer are our fights starting because you say something wrong or you making me mad. Our fights escalate from my anger that I take out on you. I want to make up excuses for my behaviour, saying that, “I’m so stressed” or “I’m having a bad day”, which, for the most part, is true. But still, I know I shouldn’t have taken it out on you last night. And how...
“I want to sleep forever. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to cry. I...”
Gone
Sometimes, I get skeptical. I lose my patience and then wonder if everything is actually worth fighting for. When I have those days, I just wish that you would reassure me that I can fight through this, fight through us. Sometimes, I doubt you. I trust you, I do, but then something irks me and I feel so discontented with the way things are and the things you say get the best of me. I hope...
“Trust me babe, you’ll never lose me.” & “I’ll never...”
– -boyfriend
The best reassurance someone has given me lately.
At times
you confuse me. You say you’re in love with me, the next day you say you’re “getting there”. You always make me cry. You make me laugh. Most of all, you make me. You break me. You maim my life. You’re sincere. You’re full of jokes. You’re sweet. You’re dispassionate. You’re a sweet talker. You’re loving. You’re hateful, spiteful,...
my style is...
Of course, being as dilligent as I am, I decided to update my Fashion Board profile and fill in the blanks (whilst Andy watches me in boredum after waiting for me buy RUSSH magazine à la Barnes and Noble). My style is… black. I’d like to think that I’m edgy/rocker/disgruntled/careless/basic/chic, but in all honesty, I usually just wear what I wake up in (big black t-shirts),...
semi-happy
I got an A on my AP English final and all my grades are where I want them to be. Check.
I failed my AP Biology final.
I painted my nails white. Check.
I haven’t showered.
I lost 2 lbs. Check.
My mom wants me to eat.
I’m drawing again with creativity oozing from my ears. Check.
I’m scared about getting uninspired.
I promise to do better this semester, since it’s my...
something I've wanted to say...
我爱他
swoon x 2
me: Can I ask you a question?
him: Yea, for sure.
me: Do I make you mad?
him: Yea, you do make me mad.
me: Really? ): When have I made you mad??
him: Well, whenever you get mad at me for stupid reasons it really pisses me off.
me: I'm sorry. Then why do you put up with me?
him: Cuz I'm in love with you Maggie Tran.
He really knows how to make me swoon these days, it's incredible.
who's your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Conversation between M and I...
me: ACTUALLY, my boyfriend's pretty funny and cute at times.
me: a lot of times he infuriorates me but I overlook that, because for the most part, he's really cute. (:
M: well, I'm sure he doesn't make you mad on purpose.
M: my girlfriend is kinda cute :)
me: I don't think he does either, what's your girlfriend like?
M: She's funny, but way too smart.
me: that stinks =\
M: and she gets mad at me really easy and she gets bipolar sometimes but I ignore that cuz no matter what, I love her.
pink
mommy: how about this color? *holds up bottle of pink nail polish*
me: uhm... mommy, you see my nails? I wear BIZARRE-O colors.
mommy: oh, how about this one then? *holds up lime green holographic polish*
me: uhm... ew.
mommy: oh, you don't like bright colors?
me: think dark.
mommy: OH! Like black. But your nails are already black, Bi. How about you be pretty and girly and wear pink, like mommy.
Apparently, I'm a tomboy. Still.
Cheesier than the moon
After many trials with R and J, I’m not sure why this one’s different. I always tell myself that I’m in love. With R, it was just that momentary satisfaction that lasted about a month then some fruitless lies here and there in which he told me that I was “always the one”. With J, it was 5 years of deliberate chasing, on his part, and now, he doesn’t even talk to...
Mando Diao - High Heels
notorious
andy: hey gorgeous, wanna get some coffee?
me: blehasklfalkjdfasdflj. i'm not even up. don't call me gorgeous.
andy: fine, ugly, wanna get some coffee?
me: bitch.....
andy: ..... is that a yes?
me: I'm up!
Watch“I’m not that kinda girl that like, when they go out, take like three different outfits to try on. I’ll be like, “Oh, this is what I feel like.” And then maybe I’ll wear this outfit for a week straight. So basically this is the black hole or the black abyss, which is my wardrobe. I don’t wear color.”
Amen. She’s my long lost older sister.
ideal
andy: You're beautiful, smart, funny and talented. Any guy would be fuckin lucky to have you. It hurts me to see you cry.
me: why is it that I've NEVER given you the time of day?
andy: because... I'm nice.
Ok. That was a total burn. Shameful.
two faces
I lied. I’m not fine.
Reason over Contemplation
M,
I trust you even though I’m not physically there or you physically here. I haven’t gotten tired of you just yet. Seemingly, this is so hard to do and even though I’ve cried on numerous occasions (and didn’t tell you) you’re still here, we’re still here. You always tell me that you think about me, and honestly, I probably think about you just as...
Little Things
I hate lying awake at four o’clock in the morning and thinking. Because at four, dark thoughts occur. Analyzations and accusations are made. What’s worse is that it’s over little things. “What do you expect?” becomes an argument. Because I expect a lot, a hell of a lot. And this is how it starts—from little, menial things that are said during the day. Lose, lose...
